Proverbs 4:19-21
 ²⁰ My son, pay attention to what I say;
   turn your ear to my words.
²¹ Do not let them out of your sight,
   keep them within your heart;
²² for they are life to those who find them
   and health to one's whole body.
²³ Above all else, guard your heart,
   for everything you do flows from it.
²⁴ Keep your mouth free of perversity;
   keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
²⁵ Let your eyes look straight ahead;
   fix your gaze directly before you.
²⁶ Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
   and be steadfast in all your ways.
²⁷ Do not turn to the right or the left;
   keep your foot from evil

Most of us are aware of the discussion/controversy that's been going on since the terrible events in Tucson.   Regarding words people say...

My view ... and I think maybe I've given this little lecture/sermon before, but in a different way.   It is so important that it can't be said too often.

When I open my Bible to the very first Words of God, (Genesis), one of the first things that stands out to me is that the scriptires say, "Then God said".  These words are written repeatedly in the description of His manifestation of  (1st day)light, (2nd day) space between the waters (the sky), (3rd day) flowing of waters into one place (land and seas), land sprouting with vegetation, (4th day) lights (sun, moon, and stars) appearing in the sky, (5th day) waters swarming with fish and the skies filled with birds, (6th day) let the earth produce...every sort of animal and gave them the ability to reproduce, and then ... He created human beings in His image and gave them reign over all the animals.  He blessed them and said... :Be fruitful and multiply, Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground."

Here we are already 10 days into a new year.  It really is amazing how time does seem to go faster as I get older.  All in all this has been a good year on a personal level.  No major health problems, thank God.  Never enough money of course, but that's a human condition that comes with our territory, right? 

Actually my life has changed very little in the few years since I moved into my own little house.  I still stay home 90% of the time.  That's out of choice.  I spend some time with Charles...either at his house or he at my house. 

In the last few months in addition to losing Isaiah we've lost Charles' son-in-law, Ray, to cancer and his last wife, Ida, to cancer.  He has a daughter and g'son of that marriage so we went to the services in support of his daughter.  

Right now we have snow on the ground here, and I heard we're supposed to have ice next.  Must be a good 3 - 4 inches of snow and so far it's not melting...so we stay home, and off the roads.  We don't have the equipment to clear the roads in Alabama AND people here have NO idea how to drive on slippery roads.  :-P 

I Cannot Do This Alone

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.
Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on you:
I cannot do this alone.
In me there is darkness,
But with you there is light;
I am lonely, but you do not leave me;
I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;
I am restless, but with you there is peace.
In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;
I do not understand your ways,
But you know the way for me…
Restore me to liberty,
And enable me to live now
That I may answer before you and before me.
Lord, whatever this day may bring,
Your name be praised.

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I've been trying for a week to get over this nasty sinus/allergy problem I get so often.  Another day or two and it should be pretty much gone.  Thank God!!  I've coughed til my throat hurts again. 

This was my day....  Sandy called this morning and we had a nice visit.  She and Arnie are on a short getaway, staying in a cabin somewhere in the woods/mountains??  
Had coffee and a bagel w/cr. cheese; then a bowl of oatmeal.  
Cyndy called; we had a nice visit also.  She has a new job working at Aldi's.
Talked to Billy Tillman about my sewer line repair.  Have to call him again next week after he and Diane return home from a trip.  
I played my games on Facebook for a while; then took a nap.  
Called to check on Veronica this evening.  She didn't have surgery after all.  She said Ray had a bad night and bad day today.   I think his pain gets almost out of control. 
Jan called this evening and we had a good visit too.  She just got over the flu. 
I talked to Charles after that.  He went for his MRI today and finally got his new glasses picked up. 

I think I'm feeling better the past 2 weeks than I have in months.  Depression seems like a roller coaster... when you think you've come to a level place you are on the "alert" to suddenly descend or ascend again.    My doctor said a few months ago that something usually triggers depression and he asked me if I know what triggers mine.  I told him "no".  As I think more about it I believe I recognize "the trigger". 

Isaiah 48: 17 This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.

We do come with an instruction manual!   It's called the Bible and when we learn the truth and have the Word in hand, before us, we're not supposed to stumble around making the same mistakes over and over again.  So where do we get..."Well, we all have to make our own mistakes."    It seems to me that we have found that to be a handy excuse for our unwillingness to follow the ways of the Lord.  Our rebellion...  Do we think we can make better decisions or see what lies ahead more clearly than God?   It seems so. 

 Isaiah 5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes
       and clever in their own sight.

Proverbs 3:34
He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.

John 1:17
For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

Grace!!!

I just want to talk a little about retirement.  Many of you know, (and many do not) I retired last fall right after my 62nd birthday.  I had given it a lot of thought and planned as best I could for it.  And I was ready!!!

I worked all of my adult life (except for a year here and there) and quite frankly I felt worn out.  The worst wear and tear on my body was driving a truck for over 12 years.  That's extremely hard on a body.   If you've read much of my blog you know that I have struggled to keep my head above water financially.  Just bad decision making on my part.  Mostly when it came to men.  Now is too late to change it, so I figured out how to live with it and be content.  I love living simply. 

When I began to check I figured out that I could live on the Social Security I would receive based on my work history and my first husbands work history.  It's not a lot, but I can manage.  Here's the worst of it.  I don't have any kind of insurance.   Now... most people would worry about that, but for some reason, I don't.  Shame on me?

My mother has seen to it that I don't have to worry about my house or my car.   That, of course, is a blessing. 

As for retirement itself?   People look forward to different ways of life after retirement.  Traveling, joining clubs, socializing, spending time with family, volunteering...etc.  These are a few things that other people look forward to, and there's nothing wrong with that.   I had in mind to be able to relax, do what I want, when I want, and how I want.  Get off the chain of any kind of schedule.

  I've written somewhere here in my blog that the ideal for me would be to live alone on a mountain top... with my pets of course.  As long as I have God first, then... food, coffee, cigarettes, (don't have to worry about them any more), books, music I love, tv, telephone, and my computer I am happy.    I love my family and friends, but I don't have the need to be attached at the hip to them.  Call me independent, reclusive, antisocial... I'm not sure, but I know that I love my life.  I do get somewhat annoyed when people talk or act as if there's something wrong with how I prefer to live my life.  

 I have to admit that there are times when my reclusive personality and depression seem to get mixed up and I can't even recognize which is which, but as long as I'm not thinking suicidal thoughts should I be overly concerned?  I feel great within myself.   It's outside influence that makes me wonder if I'm okay. 

  If I can get back into the swing of it I really want to embrace my blog again .... whether anybody reads it or not.  :P

 Tonight is one of those nights that sleep is evasive for me.  The past few days have been extremely difficult.  A recurring problem that I find hard to deal with has cropped up, and I have a tendency to try to escape rather than meet it head on.  The best I can do for myself is go to the one I know is always beside me.  He never leaves me, and I know, without a doubt, that He will stay right beside me through the problem.  He is with me always...

 Faith, faith, faith... Water my faith with Your Living Waters, Lord.  Shine the Son on my faith, Lord.  Feed my faith with Your Word, Lord.   My faith is nothing without You...